- Recognize your emotions –
- The first step is to identify signs of being emotionally disturbed. . Each of us has developed a different telltale sign of disturbed emotions. Recognize it. This can be recognized from a change in behavior either you become snappy, start sighing, click your tongue, start pacing, chew your nails, roll your eyes up, throw up your hands, become sullen, can’t think of what to say next, become sarcastic, drift, fix your gaze on a spot and brood, start feeling hot and feel a trickle of sweat running down your neck
- The main thing is to realize and accept the fact that you are feeling disturbed – low, irritable, impatient, frustrated, angry, dejected, insulted, ignored, oppressed, controlled.
- Avoid the temptation to justify the emotion because whoever or whatever is responsible for your bad mood the loss is yours and you don’t want it
- Whatever you justify, you have condemned yourself to suffer
- Identify the triggers –
- The trigger could be a person, a comment, a situation or even a smell.
- Understand that he is just the messenger who helps you identify your weak point, understand your soft spot, the aching nerve
- Don’t behead the messenger don’t get angry with the person; he is just the trigger
- He is not the cause of your bad mood the cause is within you
- Reach the source – identify your soft spot
- Dissatisfaction with what you have; physical, emotional, financial
- Fear of losing what you have; person, object, popularity, status,
- Not getting what you feel you deserve
- The root cause is excessive attachment to excessive attachment to – person, object or concept. Anything that disturbs your peace of mind is excessive. Attachment is of two types
- Excessive desire
- Excessive aversion
- Identify the place your ego is stuck in. Your ego resides in anything that you identify yourself with or you are proud of.
Anytime you feel hurt, insulted, neglected is a chance to identify where your ego is stuck
The main aim of this whole exercise to identify your soft spot, these are –
Issues that you have rated higher than your peace of mind deep down, in your mind of minds.
- Recognize that you are disturbed
- Identify the trigger
- Identify your soft spot
- Identify your excessive desire or aversion
- Find out where the ego is stuck
These five steps are most important to be able to deal with emotions. Once we realize where we are stuck it becomes easier to understand ourselves and to forgive others for triggering our raw nerve. It is not their fault that we are over sensitive about an issue (if it disturbs you, you are over sensitive).
Make five copies of a question mark; size two inches. Stick these in strategic places like under the glass of your work table, on the soft board in front, on the fridge and in the favorite place where you look when you are brooding. This is a magic sticker. If you train it, it will ask you just the right (or wrong) questions
- How are you feeling?
- Whom were you beating up for your weakness?
- What is your pain point or touch point?
- What are you excessively attached to?
- Where is your ego stuck?
Initially it is difficult to be ruthless with yourself. The mind goes back again and again towards blaming the messenger. Only when we distance ourselves a bit can we see that he does not irritate me, he does what he does, I choose to get irritated. He is not being rude to me he is being rude to my ego. I am an active participant in the event by being excessively attached to my image or ego.
In fact I am responsible for my irritation; the responsibility is mine. If anyone else is responsible, the situation will not change till something bad happens to him. If I am responsible I can change things.
Taking responsibility improve my Response Ability.
This is the first and most important exercise. The more often one does it the better one gets at it. You will find it easier and easier to go through all five steps on the trot. Eventually each one of us realizes that finally all my emotional lows, bad moods and stress zero down to excessive attachment to person, object or to my ego, my image or the person I want everyone to believe I am.
If attachment is the problem then detachment is the only answer; nothing short of it will work.
Emotional well being
It is unfortunate that most people feel ‘Good news is no news’. whether it is on social media, news channels, party talk, gossip or even general conversation, one rarely find people talking about how great they are feeling today or about their compassion, enthusiasm or the goodness in the world. No one is interested in knowing how lovely life is but you start talking about terrorism, accidents, suicide, divorce, separation, road rage, murder and rape you will gather a crowd around you. It is almost a fatal attraction of the human race; so enough about negative emotions.
Real life begins when we start becoming aware of and start focusing on the lovely emotions that make life worth living.
Romance, love, caring, warmth, belonging, compassion, enthusiasm, excitement, commitment, passion, altruism, brotherhood, empathy, understanding, tolerance, respect wonder, awe; these are the emotions that keep us going in spite of the combined effort of humanity to spread negativity.
If you give yourself half a chance you will realize to your surprise that these emotions were always waiting on the side lines; waiting for their turn, waiting for your attention. This is the main purpose of emotional awareness. This is when we realize that
The thing that keeps me going is my love for life and not my fear of death.
As we get better and better at the five steps of emotional awareness the first thing we realize is that negativity is over rated anyway. As we work on our ego, become aware of our positive emotions and learn to nurse them
- Our obsession with control and competition is replaced with the desire for co-operation and collaboration.
- Irritation, anger and impatience are replaced with tolerance, understanding and empathy
- Fear and anxiety are replaced with faith;
Positivity is not thinking that everything will go my way; that is wishful thinking.
Positivity is in believing that whatever happens, I will be fine.
- Possessiveness is replaced with love
- Bias and judgmental behavior are replaced with understanding and empathy
- Lethargy is replaced with enthusiasm
- We find it easier to appreciate the good things that life has laid out for us like a buffet
- Our sense of awe and wonder slowly return to us
- We appreciate the greenery, the lovely scent of flowers and fruit, the beauty of each new season
- We find it easier to appreciate others, celebrate their success and feel happy for their good fortune
Our ego and excessive attachment to ‘I, Me and Mine’ has deprived us of the most beautiful things in life. All this is possible if only we make the question mark ‘?’, stick it in strategic places and allow it to work on us.
Let us see how this works